It's Friday and still no letter.  I think I have checked the mailbox at least a dozen times. Got mad at the mail for not being fast enough, mad at Kyle for not writing and mad at the front desk lady for not putting the mail out faster.  Although this anger passed through my head I realized after talking to Kyle's family about the letter they received I am not being rational.  Yes I have time to write Kyle everyday but that is because I stay up till one to do so.  I don't have to get up at six and not rest until I go to bed.  I get to take a nap, watch movies and just hang out with my friends.  Kyle doesn't get to do that.  He has a small amount of time and I would so much rather him use that to write someone else, use it to catch up on his sleep or just hang out with the guys.  I hopefully have a long time with Kyle and I have had so many moments with him so many others haven't and I need to be grateful for that.
I went through my first really rough day without Kyle.  My mom's best friend's husband died a year ago yesterday.  I knew him through out my childhood and although our parents were not super close after we moved my mom was still very close with Lisa.  In fact my mom was the first phone call Lisa made when Ed was diagnosed with oral cancer. A cancer that has a very low survival rate.  He fought so hard as did Lisa and I had the privilege to visit with him six months before his passing.  I will always remember the day my mom got the phone call.  I walked in the family room to find her on the couch.  The minute she saw me she broke down and I knew.  She said Lisa had called her at work three times.  A mess each one.  My mom and ran our half marathon four months earlier in his honor and sent him our medals.  13.1 is officially his number now to his family and mine.  He is one of my inspirations.  His wife is my hero.  She is one of the most loving, caring, optimistic and strong people I know.  She has four boys ranging in age from a seventh grader to the oldest who just graduated college a semester early.  She misses Ed dearly and I cried several times yesterday thinking about how she was handling the day.  They were high school sweet hearts and after twenty plus years of marriage they were still madly in love.  A love everyone should experience.
Not only was yesterday a rough day for me it was a day of reflection for this coming semester.  I had previously decided I was going to go out, let loose a bit but still focus on school and health.  After my interview with Workcamps and several people on my floor getting MIP's I debated my previous statement.  Did I really want to go out like that.  I would so much rather stay in with a few people and watch movies and stuff our faces with pizza.  Drinking has never been a big deal to me.  Here it seems to be one of the major ways people meet which has sucked for me.
There has been a lot of reflection and changes on my part and I think the hardest part is not being able to talk about it with my best friend.  Kyle and I clicked right off the back with how much we communicated about everything.  Things going on that day, our goals, the future, and things we loved.  I can't wait till I can talk to him about anything! That day is getting closer and closer!