A week has gone by without blogging and its weird to see how much this actually helps me.  To put some of my thoughts down that I may or may not tell people really helps.  Just an FYI to anyone reading this post this is a bit of a deep one.
Three weeks tomorrow Kyle has been gone.  It seems like more but that is just not the case.  I received another letter this Friday and I cannot express how I felt.  Kyle is not one to express his emotions all the time but in this letter he said things I hadn't heard.  I will never tell him this, but I was right.  It seems to be changing him in a way to where he is valuing things more.  He thought it would do the opposite but that isn't the case it seems. This last letter made me excited for the future and happy knowing he was ok.
I did something I would recommend no one with a loved one in the military doing, or at least till their ready.  I went with some friends and saw a war movie tonight.  I saw American Sniper and although it was a fantastic movie I, someone who has been around guns their whole life and have watch movie's like this, jumped every time a shot was fired. I have never jumped like I did tonight.  Although I put on a straight face and let some tears, ok actually a lot of tears, run down my face all I kept wanting to do was run out of that theater and be by myself.  I'm a very social person but when I am upset I would rather be alone.  Thats something Kyle and I have in common and sometimes causes issues.  This movie wasn't just some made up story.  It was real.  A real sniper who fought in battles just like the ones in the movie.  A man who fought for his country and when asked why, said the same thing Kyle does, to protect the ones I love from the evil and to do my duty.  It scared me how similar they were.  Kyle, the character in the movies last name was Kyle ironically but I'll call him from now on by his nickname Legend, just wanted to protect and save as many of his men as possible.  No matter what it took.  No matter how many tours from his family.  No matter how distant he got from his wife.  Legend's wife in the movie made me mad because she would get upset with him for not being there emotionally.  For leaving her another time and then coming back and just thinking about the men he needed to save.  But as I've thought about it I wasn't upset with how they portrayed her character.  I was upset because the odds of Kyle and I having a relationship like them is high. Kyle has never given up on me and I'm not on him.  Thats a done deal but having a relationship with a man in the military is definitely not a one way street. It's a two way, two lane street where communication is always riding.  No Kyle is not my husband, and he won't be for awhile, and no Kyle hasn't been deployed yet, or hopefully in the nearish future, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't start preparing myself.  I know I love him more than I have anyone and I don't see myself with anyone else.  I feel like I'm ready for this.  I may not be watching a military movie for awhile but I will be the one Kyle comes home too.  I'm in this long distance relationship with the air force for the long hall and I'm beyond happy about it.